Some leftovers

Here are a couple of short ones I wrote and forgot to post before changing jobs. Yep, I'm no longer with the major national company. Last month (Aug-05) I was hired by a very small local company to do regional deliveries. No longer am I out 3-6 weeks at a time; I'm home almost every day or night, depending on the schedule.
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SURPRISE!
28-Jun-05

This is perhaps one that the prudish will not wish to read. With that warning in hand, proceed if you're brave.

I've talked before about HOS (hours of service) and their affect on my schedule. Yesterday I had to make a pickup in Virginia, going to Orlando. It's one of the strangest loads I've had so far: one hundred large stuffed toys, weighing a total of 2,000 pounds. Do the math, each one weighs twenty pounds, so yes, they are large, about five feet long. It's an evenly mixed load, with fifty each of Dale Dolphin and Wycliff Whale. When the loading was done, I had exactly zero hours left for today, so I pulled around the front and backed out of the way, preparing for slumber.

It's unfortunate that my body demands a certain function that normally requires the use of a flush toilet upon awakening since the toy manufacturer/distributor closes for third shift. This is the first time this particular bad coincidence has happened, and when it got to the point where it was about to reach an unwanted conclusion involving changing of certain items of clothing, I decided that I would take a walk behind the building. I grabbed my trusty roll of paper which heretofore had been used only for nasal purposes, my flashlight (an indispensible tool for a driver), and began the circumnavigation of the area. This particular place is at the edge of "the country" in that it's the last place on a dead-end road. I got all the way around to the very rear in the darkest area (another unfortunate circumstance--this place believes in plentiful security lighting!) and started scouting for a spot. I was about three seconds from beginning the job at hand when I heard a noise from very close by. Thinking that it was a racoon or 'possum but wanting to be sure, I turned on the flashlight and shined it in the direction of the noise.

It took a second for me to realize what was happening, or rather, what was going to happen soon. I saw the small furry animal with black and white lengthwise stripes begin to raise his (her?) tail and turn away from me. OOPS! A skunk had been checking out the trash at the rear and I was disturbing it. Now, I'm not much of an exercise buff, but I believe that I might have set some sort of running record a few minutes ago. I got as far away as I could in 10-15 seconds then stopped, listened, and smelled. I was fortunate that the skunk provided only the warning and didn't follow through with the attack. Yes, I did then find another, safer spot and conclude the business. And no, I didn't have my camera with me, so no photographic evidence exists of the skunk :)

PS: If you are now a truck driver, or ever become one, do NOT under any circumstances accept a load going to Gate 3 of Sea World in Orlando, FL! The gate is unmarked so I circled the LONG block twice looking for it, finally had to stop and ask a groundskeeper. He told me how to get there, and I would never have found it otherwise. Once inside the gate, the road is extremely narrow and very difficult to navigate with a 70+ foot vehicle. Once I backed into my loading dock (fairly easy), I discovered that pulling out was impossible going the way I wanted to go. So, I jockeyed around for about 30 minutes turning around, got a little yellow paint on my fender from getting about 1/2" too close to a post protecting a fire hydrant. Once that nearly impossible chore of turning around was completed, exiting was simple. Now, the next problem is that Orlando is not truck-friendly at all, only one truck stop and it charges for parking. So, I'm sitting in a Wal-Mart parking lot clearly marked "NO TRUCKS" and waiting for someone to tell me to get lost so I can wonder where to go next. I hope dispatch is quick on this one since I don't want to sit here very long at all. Should I not get lucky and have to sit a while, there's a restaurant I might check for lunch provided I get brave enough to leave the truck and risk having it towed away. Well, there's always the half-full one liter Coke from yesterday and the cheese and berries danish from who knows when I found under my seat. With the amount of preservatives put in food of that type, it's probably still very edible and marginally good.
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A Hard Job?

On the way to the Sea World delivery mentioned elsewhere here, I had a truck pass me which was decorated with a famous name brand: Viagra. It carried something related to the NASCAR team they sponsor. I had an urge to rib the driver, so I called him on my CB radio. When he replied, I asked him if driving that truck was a hard job. He replied with a sarcastic tone saying that I was the first person ever to ask him that question.

Ah, my sense of humor is sometimes twisted, strange, and weird. Those who know me will attest to that fact, the rest of you will have to take it as an article of faith.